WHO said blood was thicker than money?
This conflict involved my dad and my uncle (my dad’s elder brother) over financial issues. When I was young, my family lived with my grandfather in a HDB flat owned by my father and grandfather, and my uncle had his own flat living with his family as well. After my grandfather died when I was five years old, my family continued to live in that flat. 7 years later, my dad decided to sell this 3-room flat and moved into a new 4-room flat.
During this time, my uncle brought up the issue of splitting up the money from the sale of the HDB flat and demanded fifty percent from it. It did cross my dad’s mind to give a portion of the money to my uncle and two aunts but certainly not half of it. This is because my younger sister and I were still young, hence the money was needed for the new house and any excess money was use to support our family. Whereas my uncle held a job and his children were all working at that point of time. The most disappointing issue was that he mentioned of severing all ties with my dad if he refused to give him half of it. In the end, my dad still did not give in.
My dad was resentful and felt absurd since my uncle had his own flat, and the flat we sold was not his anyway, why does he insist gaining half of it? Both my aunts did not demand anything except him. My uncle might felt enraged as well and not resigned to the arrangement my dad had made.
This dispute over money occurs because both of them have different values. My uncle is taking on his perception that it is reasonable for him to acquire half of it. My dad has his individual view of not giving half of the sum because he needs it to support the family since we are still young and thinks that my uncle desired too much.
Questions
1) If you were the dad in the context, how would you respond if the uncle approached you for the amount?
2) Is there any win-win solution to solve this conflict?
This conflict involved my dad and my uncle (my dad’s elder brother) over financial issues. When I was young, my family lived with my grandfather in a HDB flat owned by my father and grandfather, and my uncle had his own flat living with his family as well. After my grandfather died when I was five years old, my family continued to live in that flat. 7 years later, my dad decided to sell this 3-room flat and moved into a new 4-room flat.
During this time, my uncle brought up the issue of splitting up the money from the sale of the HDB flat and demanded fifty percent from it. It did cross my dad’s mind to give a portion of the money to my uncle and two aunts but certainly not half of it. This is because my younger sister and I were still young, hence the money was needed for the new house and any excess money was use to support our family. Whereas my uncle held a job and his children were all working at that point of time. The most disappointing issue was that he mentioned of severing all ties with my dad if he refused to give him half of it. In the end, my dad still did not give in.
My dad was resentful and felt absurd since my uncle had his own flat, and the flat we sold was not his anyway, why does he insist gaining half of it? Both my aunts did not demand anything except him. My uncle might felt enraged as well and not resigned to the arrangement my dad had made.
This dispute over money occurs because both of them have different values. My uncle is taking on his perception that it is reasonable for him to acquire half of it. My dad has his individual view of not giving half of the sum because he needs it to support the family since we are still young and thinks that my uncle desired too much.
Questions
1) If you were the dad in the context, how would you respond if the uncle approached you for the amount?
2) Is there any win-win solution to solve this conflict?
5 comments:
Hi Xiao ting,
Interpersonal conflict over financial matters is a common issue faced by Singaporeans nowadays. If ones didn't handle them properly, it might leads to problem such as broken families.
As for your case, I feel some empathy for your dad as he still needs the financial support there. He has a heavy duty of supporting the family needs as well as the children’s education. Moreover, your dad paid half the sum of the money for the flat too.
Your dad could have gathered your uncle as well as two aunts of yours to a meeting. Negotiating about the distribution of that sum of money inherited from your grandfather.
Logically to me, your uncle should only have the rights of getting 12.5% instead of the full sum of 50% as it’s shared among four siblings.
May be a face to face chat might helps your dad to convey or persuade your uncle, the importance of the sum of money in your dad’s point of views. Things might turn out better this way. Worse come to worse, approach a lawyer to distribute the sum of money rightfully.
In conclusion, I realized management of feelings is importance in this interpersonal conflict mentioned. Knowing and understanding their feelings will helps a lot, as the tension between your dad and your uncle is building up.
Wendy
Hi wendy,
You mentioned about negotiating about the distribution of that sum of money inherited from my grandfather, but excatly it is not an inheritance left by my grandfather, inheritance had been distributed earlier after my grandfather had died. My uncle mentioned of severing all ties with my dad by phone, perhaps a face to face chat could have prevent this dispute.
Hi xiao ting,
i agreed that a face to face talk would be a better solution as it's qutie a serious matter here over financial issue. Talking on the phone will cause more disputes.
It was mentioned that the house belong to your dad and grandfather, so i take it like that the sum of money has not been distributed. Might be a misunderstanding here. :)
Wendy
Hey Sheral,
Money is indeed a very touchy issue especially when large sums are involved. After reading your post, I feel that your uncle may have crossed the line. The house which was sold belonged solely to your father and grandfather and anyone in the right mind would know that your uncle should not force your father to fork out such an amount. Furthermore, your family’s financial status seems to be less stable than your uncle’s.
I suppose if I were in your dad’s shoes, I would have done the same as what he has done. If your aunts have not demanded for a share of the house, I do not see why your uncle qualifies for it. I would agree to give part of the earnings to your uncle as a sign of family, but to take half of the earnings is simply too much to ask for.
I certainly hope that the relationship between your father and uncle do not get severed because of money. Perhaps a better solution would be for both your uncle and father to come to a mutual agreement. 50% is certainly too much, perhaps 10% is already a generous enough offer. I also believe your father should explain to your uncle why he cannot afford to fork out more to share. Another idea could be for them to agree on a certain amount of money which can be used for investing. The profits earned can then be split 50/50. Hopefully these few suggestions may be applicable in your father’s case.
In my point of view, I think demanding fifty percent of the money from the sale of the flat was too unreasonable. If I was in your dad’s shoes, I will refuse to give in. Even though, in traditional Chinese custom, eldest of the family should receive all or most of the inheritance, but I think it should also depend on situation too. Since at that moment, your family having financial difficulties, but your uncle can cope to earn a living, I do not see the reason behind for giving him the fifty percent of the money. Moreover, he had already receive his share of inheritance after your grandfather passed away.
I agree with Wilson that splitting fifty percent of the amount of money to your uncle is way too much, and it is not logical that he alone get half of the money. The best way is to have a face to face family meeting among your uncle and aunts. Your dad can explain to them the situation he was facing to eliminate any unwanted misunderstandings, as money problem is a sensitive issue. And both your dad and uncle can come up with a perfect agreement that will benefit all parties.
Post a Comment